7 DEADLY SINS OF CROSSFIT

The 7 deadly sins. You’ve probably heard of them...

Sloth, greed, lust, wrath, envy, pride, gluttony.

They comprise basically every bad thing that we could possibly do (although is eating 4 extra-large pizzas really that bad? Asking for a friend) and have been around for as long as time itself.

There’s that movie, Seven, with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman, where a serial killer commits 7 murders based on the 7 deadly sins.

Which, if he was trying to prove a point, it was probably that murdering 7 people in a gruesome fashion is a lot worse of a sin than being proud of your accomplishments or lying on the couch a little too long.

Anyways, while the 7 deadly sins have been around for millennia, CrossFit has not. It’s a relatively new sport, created in the last century or so and filled with fun exercises like the assault bike, thrusters, and kipping pull-ups.

We love every second of it, even while lying on the CrossFit box floor covered in sweat after the hardest WOD of the year.

But do the 7 deadly sins apply to CrossFit? If they apply to everything we do, then they must be a part of our favorite sport as well.

They might look a bit different, but here are some examples of how the 7 deadly sins work their way into our Crossfit boxes.

Sloth - Hitting The Snooze Button 46 Times Instead Of Doing Your WOD

You know you should get up. Your CrossFit coach knows you should get up. Your dog knows you should get up. You should throw yourself out of bed, get dressed, and head down to the CrossFit box to get your WOD in before work.

Instead, you smack the snooze button and roll back over in bed, promising yourself that you’ll get up the next time it goes off, with plenty of time to spare to get to the gym.

It goes off again. You smack it again. Tomorrow... you’ll go tomorrow. Just like you said you would go today, yesterday.

We always do this. Even though we know we’re going to have a happier and more productive day if we get out of bed, we crave to channel our inner sloth and lie in bed for a few more hours.

Greed - How Many Pairs Of New CrossFit Shoes Is Too Many?

Really, we should be blaming this on COVID and the ease of online shopping, not our sinning inner nature.

Is it our fault that Amazon and eBay continually send us better offers for things we need and things we want? No.

Of course, our online carts are filled with just about every workout shoe you could possibly imagine. Blame capitalism, not our weak and fragile spirits.

Anyways, who knows when you could need 43 new pairs of CrossFit shoes?

Maybe it is a good thing, because who knows when the zombie apocalypse will come, and when it does come, won’t it be better to have too many athletic shoes than too little?

That’s a good point, actually… excuse us as we go order a few more pairs.

Just in case.

Lust - Hitting On The Newcomer

Don’t be this person.

We get it, the new member of your CrossFit box is gorgeous. But too bad, the people at this CrossFit box are like family, and incest is bad.

Plus, you look like a creep when you bite your lip seductively at them while doing 20 reps of thrusters.

We’ve all heard the stories of people who meet through CrossFit and live happily ever after. The trick there is to become friends first, see if there is a mutual attraction, and then maybe go on some friendly dates.

Putting too much energy into your hip thrusts while maintaining eye contact just makes you a weirdo, and definitely counts as a deadly sin of CrossFit.

Wrath - Using Too Much Chalk

“The only reason I didn’t get that lift was I didn’t use enough chalk,” you think to yourself as you reset for another attempt at a deadlift 100 pounds heavier than your previous PR.

You grab enough powdery white stuff to make an 80s Wall Street Firm think twice and cover your hands in it. Then, just for good measure, you dump it on your arms as well. Then your feet.

With a roar of rage, you grab that bar, grip tighter than ever before, and pull with all your might.

Still not even close.

Sometimes, it’s not the chalk. It’s you.

All the chalk in the world won’t make a difference.

Envy - Fraser Or Tia Who??

Oh, they won, like, a bunch of awards at the CrossFit Games or something?

Never heard of them. Let me know when they get on my level.

It's alright to want to push yourself to be better, and to use people who are more advanced than you to set goals.

However, when that turns into a burning hatred for everyone who has accomplished more than you, it’s time to give it a rest.

If your skin turns greener than the Hulks every time someone beats you in a WOD, and you have real thoughts about stealing someone else’s brand new CrossFit shoes, you’re dipping into the pot of CrossFit envy.

Pride - Posting Roughly 1 Instagram Story Per Minute of WOD

We get it, you do CrossFit.

You’re also up when everyone else is still asleep, lugging massive amounts of weight around. That is something to be proud of.

But, while you might love everything about CrossFit (we sure do!), anything becomes annoying once you shove it in people’s faces long enough.

There is already that whole myth about how people who do CrossFit will not be quiet about doing CrossFit, and posting EVERY. SINGLE. LIFT. from a workout only adds to the legend.

With that being said, we’re not the post police.

Do what you want.

Gluttony - Eating 2-12 Large Pizzas Directly After Your Workout

You just finished a Murph and you’ve never felt fitter. Muscles pop out in all the right places. You no longer sweat, you simply glisten liquid ambrosia of the gods. Words like “cellulite” and “rolls” no longer have meaning to you.

Then, on the drive home, you spot that Jimbo’s Jumbo Pizzeria is having a 2-1 deal on extra-large carnivore pizzas. ‘Meat is good after CrossFit,’ you think to yourself. ‘Need that protein to replenish my muscles.’

You go ahead and order 2, because why order 1 when you could double your earnings. Then you pull out the ol’ mental calculator and figure out 4 for the price of 2 is an even larger amount of savings.

Before you know, you have 12 extra-large carnivore pizzas from Jimbo’s Jumbo Pizzeria sitting in your back seat. ‘I’ll share them with the neighbors,’ you muse.

You do not share them with anyone. They are all devoured before sunrise.

Wrapping Up The 7 Deadly Sins Of CrossFit

There you have it, the 7 deadly sins of CrossFit. We all do them every now and then, so don’t beat yourself up over this fun list.

Instead, be content in the fact that you are human, just like everyone else you meet, either in the CrossFit box or in the world at large.

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Disclaimer:
All hemp-derived products
contain 0.0% THC